North Star
by Alanna diAblo1
Summary: Carby, angst (but not carby angst...) Abby is hit hard with her worst fear, and Carter isn't there to help her through it.


Title: North Star  
Author: Alanna diAblo  
Summery: It would be easier to give up. Yet that person who told you he'd always be there is reminding you that giving up is a selfish option.  
Author's Note: See ending please.  
Rating: PG  
Spoilers: Not really  
  
  
It was five minutes ago you got the phone call confirming your greatest fear. He's gone. Your skin feels like guilt, and it hurts to be touched. This is the worst feeling because there is nothing to feel.   
  
All Carter can do is sit by you, trying to fathom how you must be feeling. Trying to think of a way he could help ease your pain. Somehow you find it within you to tell him that you'll be fine, and he should go on his mission to Africa. While each of you know how much he wants to stay, you also understand that this is something he must do.   
  
Carter's lips brush against your forehead, and he squeezes your shoulder. You're strong, his voice whispers.   
  
I'll take care of her while you're gone, says a familiar female voice, whose owner takes Carter's place beside you on the couch.   
  
I'll call as soon as I land, he replies, his eyes still on you. They exchange concerned looks. Then he's gone.   
  
Ground control has been cut off. As much regret and disappointments were between you and Eric, you did love each other. He was your brother, of course you loved him.   
  
Now there's nothing. You drift in silence in space, and watch the oxygen tank run out, not bothering to brace yourself for the never-ending fall. You lost Eric twice, once to mental disease and now to this. If you hit rock bottom the first time, this is the bottom of the hole in the bottom of the sea. No one can save you now because no one's here. You pushed them all away. This is your fault.  
  
The experience reminds you of a short story, the one where the parents of a young boy are so overprotective that they turn their house into a prison. Walls of cement, steel, chain link and barbed wire are erected to insure the boy's safety. In the end, the boy falls into the fence, and thrashes around. His parents carry his mutilated body back into the house.   
  
The fortress around you is ancient and strong. You've spent so much time building it, and now you want out but the walls are too thick.   
  
Life can never be the same as it was before that conversation.  
  
It would be easier to give up. Yet that person who told you he'd always be there is reminding you that giving up is a selfish option. This is your life, and to keep Carter by your side you have to live it.   
  
For the sake of what you share with him, you take a breath and stand up, thumbing your nose at the world. You can do this, after being through hell more than your fair share of times, it's possible to survive how horrible your life is right now.   
  
Stay afloat on this lifeboat and he will come. When he does he'll see that you care about him, because you cared for yourself. The sealed bottle of tequila in the cabinet and your promise to make it through will be enough to make him fall in love with you all over again.   
  
He'll wrap his arms around you, but not to save you or to fix you, but for the sake of being there with you. You'll be together on the lifeboat as you ride through the storm, holding onto each other as sky and sea battle. At times the ocean's depths and serenity will be tempting, but he'll give you a reason to pull through.   
  
When it's over, the waves will become friendly laps against the side of your boat. The sun will come out and you will turn to each other, realizing you're going to be okay. If you stayed together while life was dashing you against the rocks, then your bonds will never be broken.   
  
Even though you lost your crew and your map, and even the point of the journey at all, a north star will always be there. A north star can never abandon you for no matter how far away as it is, you can always see it shinning in the darkest of hours. It will guide you home to him, and there he'll be waiting forever.  
  
  
  
  
*End: North Star  
  
Author's Note: This just came to me, and I sent it to Sara, who, as always, did a quick yet amazing beta for me. Props to her because without her none of my fics would be presentable. Please review, this one is extra special to me. Thanks, and I hope you enjoyed. Constructive critisism is LOVED.   
~Alanna 


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